Areas of support
Some parts of you have been working since you were small.
The pleaser, the protector, the critic: each one began as a way to stay loved, or at least to stay safe. We can get to know them without trying to get rid of them.
What it can feel like
Part of you knows exactly what everyone in the room needs. Another part keeps score of everything you said wrong. There might be a part that goes quiet when things get tense, and one that would rather stay busy than feel much at all. From the outside, it can look like a personality. From the inside, it can feel like a committee that never agrees, and you are the one holding the minutes.
Sometimes an old feeling arrives that seems bigger than the moment. A wave of shame after a small mistake, say, or a rush of panic when someone pulls away. It can feel young, because in a way it is. Somewhere back there, a part of you took on a job: keep the peace, hold it together, stay small, stay strong. That part is still showing up for work, long after the rules changed.
You might notice
- Reacting to small things with feelings that seem much older than the moment
- A critic in your head that sounds suspiciously like someone from your past
- Feeling like a different person at work, at home, and with your parents
- One part of you performs fine while another quietly waits to fall apart
- Catching yourself in roles you have played since childhood, without choosing them
- Tenderness, or tears you cannot explain, when you see photos of yourself as a kid
- Knowing what you want to say, then hearing an old script come out instead
You don’t need to tick every box, or any of them neatly. If some of this feels familiar, that’s enough of a reason to reach out.
Pattern / Pause / Path
Where your parts began, and where we can go from there.
I often hold this work in three movements: understanding the pattern, making a pause, and finding a path. With parts, it looks something like this.
Pattern
Parts take shape early, in the exact conditions you grew up in. A child who was praised for being easy learns to please. A child who was criticized learns to criticize first, from the inside, before anyone else can. That pattern is a record of what once kept you loved, included, or out of trouble, rather than a flaw in you.
Pause
In session, we slow things down enough to notice who is speaking. Is this the protector bracing for impact, or the critic getting in early? That noticing can open a small gap between the part and you. From there, it becomes possible to be curious about a reaction instead of being swept along by it, even mid-argument, even mid-spiral.
Path
The path is rarely dramatic. It can look like catching the critic mid-sentence and softening the ending. Letting someone help you without apologizing for needing it. Or you feel the old wave rise and stay with yourself while it passes. Over time, the parts that worked so hard often settle a little, because you are finally listening to them.
In sessions
What this work looks like in sessions
We usually begin with whatever showed up this week (the flare of shame, the overworking, the shutdown) and get curious about the part behind it. I might ask what it does for you, or what it is afraid would happen if it stopped. There is no reliving everything on demand; we work with what is here now, at a pace you set.
Much of this draws on Internal Family Systems, which starts from a simple idea: every part of you, even the harshest one, is trying to help. As you get to know your parts, their fears and their jobs and how young some of them are, they often loosen their grip. Nobody gets kicked out. Even the critic gets a seat, and a chance to say what it is actually worried about.
Ways of working I draw on
Sessions are 50, 75, or 90 minutes, by secure video anywhere in British Columbia. See the ways of working together or what sessions cost.
Not sure this is the right name for what you’re carrying? That’s okay. The free consultation is exactly for that.
Questions people ask
It often does at first, and you are in good company. You do not have to speak to an empty chair or perform anything. Mostly, we notice what is happening inside, like the tight chest or the familiar inner commentary, and get curious about it. 'A part of me’ is just language for something you already know: that you can want two things at once. It often starts to feel natural sooner than you might expect.
No. Parts work is less about excavating memories and more about noticing how the past shows up now, in your reactions, your roles, your inner voice. Some people remember a lot, some very little, and both are workable. If a memory wants to come, we can make room for it, gently and with your consent. Nothing has to be dug up on a schedule.
Not at all. Having parts is simply how human minds work. One part of you wants the promotion, another wants a nap, a third is drafting the resignation letter. In this way of working, a busy mind with many voices is not a broken one. What matters is the relationship between you and those parts, and that relationship can change.
Related areas of support
Every part of you is welcome here
If you would like to get to know the parts of you that have been working so hard, I offer a free 15-minute consultation. We can talk about what brings you, and whether this way of working feels like a fit. No preparation needed. Come as you are, all of you.